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September 03, 2003
Empty
So it seems that this chapter is closed.
'A' called tonight. We talked about all sorts of things, but there was a bit of uneasiness in the air.
She's decided that she can't put in the effort required for a relationship that she's not sure that she wants to be in. Yeah, I know, not quite what I was expecting either. She could not tell me why the change from just a couple of weeks ago.
All she could say was that it was easier to want to be with me and feel the emotions and have this relationship when it seemed an impossibility. But it scared her now that it was a reality, that I might be out there some day soon. Kind of ironic that I've been missing her so much the last few days that I could tell you the prices and departure times for most airlines going to Portland.
I don't know where we went wrong. I'm not sure that incompatibilities, socially and politically speaking, couldn't have been bridged. All I know is that I could not be the man she wants in those areas, and the only way to change that would be to change me.
And yet, after all that, I still want to watch her, be with her and see her triumph. I want to know that I will someday hear that voice of hers sing and read more of her poetry and prose. If we cannot be in a relationship, then I do want to be in a friendship. And we will give that a whirl and it will settle in and work for us eventually. I hope to be a damn good friend for her. And I hope she for me. Eventually.
Right now though, I'm feeling kind of empty. It is a strange feeling. I should be sad or upset or angry or something. Anything.
Instead, I am just empty.
Posted by Samer at September 3, 2003 11:34 PM
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Comments
Hi, Samer -
I am sorry to hear you are empty. I like what you wrote on your site, though. I am a big fan of writing about all life's trials, I think it's a catharsis you can't get otherwhere.
Katy is gone now for a spell, but we should have coffee or Lebagreek food soon. Let me know when's good, next week's not too harried for me workwise. Also, Amy Hoak's in town next weekekend. I thought maybe I could organize a little get together, at the Ebbitt or something?
E-mail me at yahoo, or my davinciuno@hotmail.com account.
Talk soon!
Kris
Posted by: Kris at September 4, 2003 02:43 PM