September 05, 2003
Alone
I was a big fan of loneliness.
I travelled the world alone. I drove up and down the East Coast alone. I enjoyed being by myself to read, to write, to eat, to be. Just to be.
Then 'A' entered into my life. And for a brief, but astonishingly intense, moment I was not alone. I no longer craved being alone. I no longer needed to be alone.
When she left, I felt at a loss. I wanted to go home and relax, but my mind was craving human interaction. I would go out for nights in a row, or spend hours on the phone (an activity I hate).
I let her into my world and she pulled me out of my cocoon and made me want to be with people again. And now she's gone physically from here and the budding relationship we had is over. And I am, once again, alone.
This time I fear it. I don't want it. And while I have bunches of good and great friends, and while my folks are coming to town soon, and my family will be all around me, I still feel very much alone.
I want another 'A'. I want to be not alone. I want to be understood. She understood me, I think (hope).
Posted by Samer at September 5, 2003 11:57 PM
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Comments
there are few things worse than being alone when you do not wish to be [i know]. take comfort in the fact that you don't have any regrets ... y'know, you did what you could, and tried, and worked at it -- and even if it is over, at least you had this amazing experience. and that will always be a good thing. still - i'm sorry:(
Posted by: nicole at September 6, 2003 12:45 PM