samer/thoughts

When the relationship you got into because it would be a good "summer fling" turns out to be more than that. More than you could have hoped for. And yet, due to distance and personality, a good thing had to end.

What do you do when the IRS sends you a letter because they think you made a mistake? Seeing a letter addressed from them is enough to make your heart sink. Turns out the mistake is not on my end.

What do you do when your beloved grandmother passes away? She lives too far to make the trip for the funeral. What then? Does her passing make you wonder about your future? You are aging.

What do you do when your months planned trip to Europe is about as exciting as stale bread? You want to go, you love it there. You know you are going to meet old friends and new. You know you are going to have a great time. Hell, you've even managed to drag a couple of folks with you to Iceland. And yet there is no looking forward. No excitement. It is too mundane.

What do you do when the woman of your dreams turns out to have her own dreams, and you are but a supporting actor in them? What do you do when the one thing, the one person, that has been able to instill a sense of excitement in you, turns out not to be as interested in you? What do you do when you travel 3000 miles to be with someone, only to be turned away?

What do you do when your father has to have open heart surgery? A quadruple bypass. A world away, you've never even entertained the thought he might not be around for you. Now what? Feeling mortal yet?

What do you do when your overwhelming sense of indifference starts to take its toll? When you don't cook because you can't bear to clean the kitchen? When you can't stand being home because you can't stand living in the dump you are in?

What do you do when you are alone? Friends and relatives all around, but alone. A rock. An island.

My initial thought this weekend was to lock everyone out. No one gets into my world and no one gets out. I'd clean, I'd make things better. I'd stay offline. I would lie on the couch and do nothing for hours.

I did most of those things this weekend. But I did more. I let my friends in. I let them listen to my moaning and groaning -- again. I let them cheer me up. I let them take me places. I let them worry my mind with their problems. I let them help me.

I looked back at all the things that piled up. At all that caused me pain and distress. And I realized that, in the end, I am a lucky man. The world has been kind to me in ways I don't appreciate. But even these last six months, when things have looked bad, it turned out okay in the end.

The "summer fling" was damn good and healthy. And despite how things went at the end, we are still on speaking terms and she's very much still a special person in my heart.

The IRS turned out to owe me money.

My grandma's passing and my father's operation have allowed me to focus and think about the things that matter in life. My dad is recovering quickly and well.

The trip to Europe turned out to be one of the best in years. London finally felt like home after almost two dozen trips there. It was a blast.

The woman of my dreams is now in a supporting role in my life. Despite everything, we have come through it as friends. And, in the end, that's important.

So, what to do? Listen to your friends. Let them help you. Let them guide you. Be there for them.

Thank you, all of you. I am feeling much better this weekend. Something I did not think I would.